Islay

Friday 26th - 29th July

Slightly breaking tradition this year DSon, Ste and I went to Scotland in the Summer.

I rely completely on Satnav now, whatever it says I do. When it brought me to a ferry terminal 100 miles before I was expecting it I knew things weren't right. And surely enough this is when I realised the Satnav was configured to "Shortest Route" rather than "Quickest Route". Quick decisions had to be made as the ferry was waiting and ready to go, so I adopted the "Who Dares Wins" approach and drove the car on. I was expecting to arrive at the Kennacraig Ferry terminal (our ferry between the mainland and Islay) with a couple of hours to spare, as it happens we got there with 5 minutes to spare.

We arrived on the Isle of Islay as the sun was setting. Again, still following the Satnav, we drove 10 miles down a single lane track with grass in the middle of it, but none of us minded, it added to the Craggy Island kind of feel. We arrived at our Glamping hut to a beautiful view of the Lagavulin Bay.

The Glamping Hut was basic. One bedroom (which I suggested should be mine as last time I was forced to share with Ricky who coughs every 20 seconds in his sleep, whilst Danny had all the luxury of a solitary room! And the time before I had to sleep with my face close to Ste's arse!!! Danny then decided it would be fairest if we swapped beds each night!!!!!!), but most scary for me was the box like chemical toilet. I'm very toilet sensitive and by now had already decided that it would be far easier to go to the toilet in the wild (definitely for No.1's, and debateably for No. 2's as well).

The showers were described as "Solar Showers". What that actually meant was that the shower was a black bag which you had to fill up with water and place in direct sunlight for approximately 3 hours. As the sun was only coming out after midday we employed the use of the kettle. It then required you to adopt a stance like Rutger Hauer did in the final scenes of Blade Runner and shower as efficiently as possible. Though slightly inconvenient, it did the job.

The next day we went to the Ardbeg distillery. Personally I think Ardbeg produces some of the finest whiskies in the world. Whilst trying to balance a glass on a bottle in the Ardbeg shop whilst looking at other glasses, Danny dropped and smashed the glass in the shop. He exclaimed, "Belters" and I laughed, but frankly I was expecting more. It would have been no surprise if he slipped and smashed every bottle in the shop, so one glass was nothing.

After the distillery we drove down to the Kildalton Cross, an 8th century cross with a reverse swastika in the middle. Near the cross was a table with a flask, a variety of teas, coffee, milk and sugar AND the cake of the day, Lemon Drizzle. This was possibly the most extravagant honesty box operation in the middle of no where that I had ever seen.

I tried a spot of fishing in the afternoon. Pete had lent me his small rod and reel and had thoughtfully put together a selection of rigs for me to use. When I cast in for the first time the reel came off and flew into the sea. Luckily for me the spool lock was on and I retrieved it, but I did feel like a dick. I didn't catch anything either. I also tried a spot of fishing on the following day but to no avail. However, during the evening, Gus, the owner of the Glamping Hut came over and dropped a lobster off that his 8 year old daughter had caught. I had never seen a real life lobster in the flesh and it was beautiful with it's peacock blue colours. I thought of letting it go but then quickly changed my mind, "No, we're men in the wild and we're going to eat this thing" I decided.

The BBQ was already fired up and it was ready to be served a lobster. I grabbed a knife from the kitchen and plunged it between the eyes of the lobster, hopefully giving it a quick death. The wriggling about afterwards suggested that maybe it hadn't been such a quick death so I quickly wrapped it in foil and bunged it on the BBQ. There was a bit more wriggling but it eventually calmed down. After 20 minutes I opened up the foil for it to reveal a very pink lobster. We then ate it, some of us a little more reluctant than others.

There was one Distillery that we hadn't visited already on Islay, Kilchomen. It was shut, but I made DSon do the face and we went on our way.

I like Islay and would happily live there.
"Ste & DSon"

"A Scottish Picnic"

"Kilchomen Distillery"

"Tea & Me"

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